I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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