real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
