when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
