Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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