That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
