you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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