please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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