Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
