I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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