They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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