Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
