White coat. Heels.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just google imaged poop.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
