Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
