I feel great
I just peed on a car
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
