Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
