The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
