She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
