You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
