Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
