apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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