i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
