I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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