with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
