I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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