Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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