My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I stole a fireplace last night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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