its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
