Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
