wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
