when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
