he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
last night I used snow as a chaser
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
