i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
