seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
