its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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