remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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