so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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