i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
