I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
