He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
