Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
