I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
