He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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