Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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