hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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