He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
