I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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