So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize