Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
These tits shall not be calmed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
