Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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