I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
