whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
