Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
