remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
True strength comes from lack of pants
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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