I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize