the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
