I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
