I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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