Betty ford says i'm here all night
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
