Got a toothbrush?
Umm I'm too high to move.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
