Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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