he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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