My sheets look like a crime scene.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
