i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
