He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
