I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
