This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize