I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize