i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
