I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
