It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
