We named our party play list daddy issues
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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